You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
