first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
