i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
