tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
