and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
