Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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