well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
