I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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