Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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