I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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