hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
