so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
