my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Oh god it's open bar.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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