my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
