Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
