Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
