There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
