have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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