Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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