Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
