guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
