well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
