I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
