he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
