Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Barsexuality is the new black.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
