Your face is a jimmy john
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
