He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
