I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
