1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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