I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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