That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
