I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
It was confusing and full of hummus
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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