On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
