they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
