Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
