This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
