Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
