I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
