he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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