last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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