So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
