He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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