I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
