Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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