So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
