my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
