Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
