I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i wish my penis had a tongue
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i dont even know how to be here
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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