Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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