Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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