You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
