I just pynch a tree in the face
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
